WHY SHOULD I MARRY YOU? (A piece of story that reminds us how to choose partner of marriage)

Once there was a very handsome, pious, well educated young man, whose parents emphasized for him to get married. They had seen so many marriage proposals, and he had turned them all down. The parents thought it was becoming a little ridiculous or suspected that he may have someone else in mind. However every time the parents left the girl's house, the young man would always say “she’s not the one!” The young man only wanted a girl who was religious and practicing. (This was hard to find). However one evening his mother arranged for him, to meet a girl, who was religious and practicing.

On that evening, the young man and girl were left to talk and ask each other question (as one would expect). The young man, being a gentleman that, he was allowed, young lady to ask first.

Young girl asked the young man so many questions. She asked about his life, his education, his friends, his family, his habits, his hobbies, his lifestyle, his enjoyment, his time pass, his experiences, his shoe size and his likes and dislikes. Basically everything! And the young man replied to all of her questions, without tiring and politely with a smile. Young girl took up nearly all of the time, over an hour and felt bad and asked the young man do you have any questions? Young man said, “Yes, I only have 3 questions… “

Young girl thought, wow, only 3 questions okay, go ahead and shoot.

Young man’s first question was: “Who do you love the most in the world, someone who’s love nothing would ever overcome?” She said: “This is an easy question! Answer to your question is my mother”.

Young man smiled and asked second question: “You said: that you read a lot of Qur’an, could you tell me which Surahs you know the meaning of?” Hearing this she went red and embarrassed and said: “I do not know the meaning of any yet, but I am hoping to learn soon Inshallah. I have just been a bit busy”.

The third question the young man asked was: “I have been approached for my hand in marriage, by girls that are lot more prettier than you, why should I marry you?” Hearing this, the young girl was outraged, she stormed off to her parents with fury and said: “I do not want to marry this man he is insulting my beauty and intelligence” .

And the young man and his parents were once again, left without an agreement of marriage. This time, the young man’s parents were really angry and said: “What did you do to anger that young girl, the family was so nice and pleasant, and they were religious like you wanted. What did you ask the girl? Tell us!”

Young man said: “Firstly I asked her, who do you love the most? She said, her mother”. The parents said: “So, what is wrong with that?”

Young man said, “No one, is Muslim, until he loves Allah (SWT) and His Messenger more than anyone else in the world. If a woman loves Allah (SWT) and Holy Prophet Muhammad (SAW) more than anyone, she will love me and respect me and stay faithful to me, because of that love and fear for Allah (SWT). And we can share this love, because this love is greater than lust for beauty”.

Young man said: “Then I asked, you read a lot of Holy Qur’an, can you tell me the meaning of any Surah? And she said no, because I haven’t had time yet. So I remembered a saying that, “All humans are dead except those who have knowledge … And all those who have knowledge are asleep, except those who do good deeds… And those who do good are deceived, except those who are sincere … And those who are sincere are always in a state of worry (for others).”

“She has lived 20 years on this earth and not found any time, to seek knowledge. Why would I marry a woman, who does not know her rights and responsibilities and what will she teach my children, except how to be negligent, because the woman is the Madrasah (school) and the best of teachers. And a woman, who has no time for Allah (SWT), will not have time for her
husband”.

“The third question I asked her was, that a lot of girls, prettier than her, had approached me for marriage, why should I choose her? That is why she stormed off, getting angry”.

Young man’s parents said: “That is a horrible thing to say. Why would you do such a thing; we are going back there to apologize”. Young man said: “I said this on purpose, to test whether she could control her anger. Holy Prophet Muhammad said “Do not get angry, do not get angry, do not get angry” repeatedly when asked how to become pious, because anger is from Satan”.

“If a woman cannot control her anger with a stranger she just met, do you think she will be able to control it with her husband?”

Moral of the Story: The moral of this story is, a marriage is based on:  Aqidah (faith) not  property, Knowledge not looks, Practice not preaching, Forgiveness not anger, Spiritual love not lust and compromise! 

One should look for a person who has love for Allah (SWT) and his Messenger; has knowledge of the deen (religion), and can act upon it including to control her own desire by rules come from Allah,  and the most important and crucial factor is that she be willing to compromise. Then, for better understanding about how to choose partner of marriage, he can learn from Allah's rules in Islamic thoughts.

And it goes both ways, so women seeking a man, should look for the same things.

People say, to make decision in choosing partner of marriage is the MOST difficult case someone should make during his life. The choice is belong to us when finally we have to do that, however actually for every person in this world has been written by Allah who is his partner of marriage in this life. So, ask the guidance from Allah, may we find the right one as our partner of marriage in the way that is blessed by Allah. Ask guidance from Him to guide us choose what is the best on Him for us.

May Allah (SWT) make every marriage a success and let us create Love for Allah and his Messenger so that Allah (SWT) can bless us, and create love in our lives. 

Prophet Muhammad (saw) said: “There is no better structure found in Islam other than marriage”.

Btw, what is written down in this story is just an easy setting to make us understand how Islam gives guidance to choose our partner of marriage. In fact, there are lots of ways under Allah's rules to know about the one we want to get married. It's not only by asking him/her directly and giving same questions as in the story above,  but also by other ways that we can learn from other lessons in Islam. It might be worthless when someone is just good in answering our questions by words BUT in fact it's not represented by his/her deeds in his/her daily life. So, here I emphasize, the story above is just a simple story as a start for our mind to think of other deep Islam's rules including in the case of choosing partner of marriage according to Islam. Besides it, hopefully by reading this story will make us realize that we should improve ourselves become better, especially in the Eyes of Allah. Don't just hope to get good partner of marriage, but we should do efforts to be the good person too. If we are good, insha'Allah  He will send the good one for us as our future husband or wife.

"Bad women are for bad men and bad men are for bad women. Good women are for good men and good men are for good women" (An Nuur 24 : 26)

Wallahu'alam bish showab... 

Allah knows best...